otaykin (otaykin) wrote in mediakin,

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Coming to terms...

For the larger part of my life, I have found myself unable to properly assert my own personality, eternally offering my fragrant bunghole to others. The perfect "bottom." My only release from the domination of others has been classic television. I constantly found myself lost in these characters which I could be. 18 long years of my life went by before I experienced my first revelation: I had a deep and abiding connection to a VERY specific character. His name was Stymie. Yes, sexy, sensual Stymie.
It bothered me how much I had in common with this supposedly fictional character, how much he reflected my own feelings, thoughts, and dreams. We both even shuffle for the white man!
I had to dig deeper. I watched the "Spooky" episode 347 times that afternoon. It was full of similar characters, many of whom felt "familiar," as if I knew them, just as the plots felt "comfortable," as if I had already been through their paces. I was home.
Just as I came to terms with these horrific yet arousing changes in my life, I purchased the wide screen edition. Within seconds of watching it, my head began to throb, dully, at the invisible cornrows. At first I thought it was an ocular headache, but it was much, much more.
Much, much more my mediakin brethren.
The more I watched and touched myself, the more I knew that this character, this immaculate character, with his spunky charm, raggedy clothes, and lisping speech, this Buckwheat, was more than familiar. He was ME!
Like a piece of my very own soul acting out my very own painful struggles on the screen. He was a part of me! The best part! And this is where I am now, lost and confused, trying to find an answer to the longing inside me. I never dreamed there were so many others.
I’ll ponder this tonight, touching myself and lisping softly in the dark.
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